Saturday, August 29, 2020

An Economist’s Wholehearted Defense Of Online Dating Sites

kiss photoUsers of Meetic, Tinder and other dating apps now number in the hundreds of millions. Many are frightened by it, worried about rampant abuse and scams, while others see it as another example of the evils and excesses of modern society. And yet, these dating sites have a great social utility.

Online dating provides a new way to build a short-lived or lasting relationship. It has been added to the traditional opportunities to find a partner in one's network, namely our professional environments, family circles, group of friends, bars, concerts, etc. In fact, these in-person meetings are even losing their importance. In the United States, one in three recent marriages began with an online encounter, and this proportion increases every year.

Should we think of this shift as a substitution without great consequences for society, something akin to buying books on the internet rather than in bookstores? No, but not for the reasons you may imagine. Compared to marriages that originated with a traditional first-encounter, those that began with an online connection last longer, end in fewer divorces and more often bring together couples of different religions or ethnicities.

Online platforms make it possible to break out of an often homogenous environment and considerably expand the number of potential partners. As a result, the chances of meeting a partner closer to your preferences are multiplied. This is obvious for people whose inclinations are less shared — and therefore less common in their close circle. In the United States, 70% of homosexuals meet their partners online. There are also specialized sites…

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source http://www.forcesalign.com/an-economists-wholehearted-defense-of-online-dating-sites/

Friday, August 28, 2020

Why the COVID-19 Pandemic Might Actually Be Helping Your Dating Life

It Only Took a Major Health Crisis for People to Focus on Lasting Relationships

In an effort to stay busy amidst a global pandemic, many of us have resorted to something that’s always within arms reach: our cell phones. And in between celebrity stalking, Twitter scrolling, and eye-straining FaceTimes, the act of swiping on dating apps has filled the void left by this ongoing period of social distancing.

Many of these platforms have kept up with the times, updating their systems to support video chatting while encouraging new and safe ways to find your match without jeopardizing your health in the process. While the last few months have left many skeptical that they’ll ever find “the one” amidst a major health crisis, in actuality, COVID-19 has ultimately helped to pump the brakes on the act of serial dating.

While hookups are still possible, those who are used to moving from partner to partner can now take the time to slow their roll and reconsider their approach in this new, unprecedented state of the world we’re in. As for those who are regulars in the dating game, they can use this situation as an opportunity to weed out the good ones from the anti-maskers. Now is as good a time as any to put building a connection (albeit, virtually) at the forefront, especially as one-time in-person flings take a brief chill on the back burner.

So how does one really take advantage of dating in the age of coronavirus? Well, we’ll let the experts take it from here.

Curbing Casual Sex

There’s nothing wrong with a steamy fling, but right now, people aren’t super interested in risking their health for something that doesn’t allow for much connection. Instead of prioritizing pleasure, those still interested in dating are shifting their focus from…

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pandemic photo





source http://www.forcesalign.com/why-the-covid-19-pandemic-might-actually-be-helping-your-dating-life/

4 Tips for Successful Dating After Divorce

Most people who get married don’t even imagine what they are going to do if their marriage breaks down, but sometimes, two people simply aren’t right for each other anymore. Divorce is often inevitable if you and your partner had irreconcilable differences, they were unfaithful to you, or you were generally unhappy in the marriage. And, while it can take some time to adjust to being single again after your divorce is finalized, getting back into the dating pool can be both exciting and daunting at the same time. Here are some tips to keep in mind if you are planning to start dating again after a marriage breakdown.

Heal Yourself First

It’s important to make sure that you are truly ready before you begin to date again after a divorce. Even if you were unhappy in your marriage, you will need time to grieve the loss and come to terms with your new life before you can truly move on and find happiness with somebody else. If you are struggling with this, a good therapist can help you navigate the feelings and emotions that you have right now, and help you on your journey to self-love and self-acceptance.

Know What You Want

Being picky is definitely not a bad thing when it comes to dating. After all, many people have found themselves in sticky situations by being too easygoing when it comes to what they want in a partner, and have ended up falling for the first person to show them any attention. But, the first person who likes you might not be the right person for you. Reflect on your past relationships to consider what you do and don’t want in your future ones; this will help you make better choices when it comes to who you date.

Try Online Dating

We all have busy lives and getting out there to meet new people has never been more difficult. If you want to start dating again but are struggling to meet anybody new, online dating…

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divorce photo





source http://www.forcesalign.com/4-tips-for-successful-dating-after-divorce/

Thursday, August 27, 2020

Older Americans say looks become less important in dating as we age

Older Americans are ready for love — and three in 10 searching for romance would consider going on a dating show for seniors, according to new research.

The study of 1,000 Americans over the age of 50 found one in four have gone on a date with a new potential partner and one in five feel like they’re in their sexual prime now.

When it comes to the best methods to meet someone, half said through friends and 43 percent have searched online.

 

Conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Because Market, a personal care marketplace especially for seniors, the survey revealed two in five confessed to being more nervous for their first date when they were older than as a young person.

Results also found the key aspects of attraction have changed for respondents over time.

Three in four said physical attraction was important to them as a young person looking for a partner, but now kindness ranked the highest with 79 percent.

Politeness rose in importance as people grew older, as did personality.

Seven in 10 respondents in a relationship or married said they’re happier than they’ve ever been in their current relationship.

There are also some matters that older Americans have to consider on the dating scene today: 32 percent think dating is different now because personal care products can be a sensitive topic.

Thirty-nine percent of all respondents felt there are some aspects of aging that are too embarrassing to talk about — and over a quarter said there are certain things about aging they withhold from their children.

Without anyone to talk to, 27 percent said they struggle to find personal care products for their age group, needs and lifestyle.

Two in five (42 percent) have suffered from bladder leakage or incontinence and of those, 48 percent don’t feel they can talk about their experiences with anyone.

Thirty-eight percent are…

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aging photo
Photo by mislav-m


source http://www.forcesalign.com/older-americans-say-looks-become-less-important-in-dating-as-we-age/

Rules are different for dating during a pandemic

A University of Miami expert explains the new conventions of courting in an environment where social distancing is mandatory.

In a world where a pandemic has imposed limitations on social interactions, people eager to find love are turning to different ways to meet partners. Although online dating is nothing new, COVID-19 has helped online dating platforms grow exponentially.

According to Brian Doss, associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami and an expert on couples’ therapy and romantic relationships, the uptick in online dating has changed the dynamics of how a relationship now flourishes.

“The COVID-19 pandemic has really sped up the online trend. Because it is difficult to meet in person, I think there’s going to be increased likelihood that people are spending more time in the early stages of dating through virtual dating platforms,” he explained.

Although circumstances may seem difficult for those looking for love, according to Doss, there are many benefits to starting a relationship online.

“In my opinion, you’re more likely to meet someone in an online environment because a person is able to develop more meaningful conversations. Whereas, if you’re meeting in person, physical attraction dominates, and in many cases, alcohol can influence your perception,” he said.

For those who turn to this way of dating, he explained that there are a new set of rules in the COVID-19 era.

“I think the most important thing is that people are on the same page. A conversation about health and safety, both for themselves and their family members, is being talked about early on. Discussions about the risks and responsibilities of wearing a mask are being negotiated before in-person meetings,”…
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covid photo



source http://www.forcesalign.com/rules-are-different-for-dating-during-a-pandemic/

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Reasons Of Failures

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. - Morihei Ueshiba, founder of Japanese martial art of Aikido

Letting anyone else judge our failures might never be as good as our assessment of our own efforts and our analysis of the results. This simply is because we learn best about ourselves as compared to anyone else. However, developing these self-learning habits does not have to be all about ourselves. We can also learn from the mistakes of others for our personal growth.

The following are the 10 most common causes of failures that many of us have failed to address.

1. Disciplines and Habits

In order to secure our goals in a more comfortable and convincing manner, most of us practise certain disciplines to ensure consistency in our efforts. Once the difficulties in completing the other goals increases, aside from our knowledge and skills, we have to rely on the basic disciplines and experiences we have developed throughout the earlier stages of our projects on our goals.

Another example of such discipline would be widely witnessed in sports where training, diet and even sleeping time have to be strictly adhered to for the best performance. Since various sports deals with the physical limits, many sportspeople have to give up their preferred lifestyle to follow the disciplines set by the scientists and experts in their respective sports.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. – Aristotle

2. Lack of Personalized Planning

Goal setting simply is not always a detail plan as to how every action should be executed. This common misconception meant that many people do not personalize their plans to suit themselves in many aspects.
In many cases, excellent goal setters do not recognize the significance of personalizing a plan to achieve their goals.

Instead of understanding how their abilities and knowledge can be utilized for the project in a well-planned way, they become poor at executing their plans which are not suitable for themselves. Just like in any soccer team, you cannot expect a well-trained defender to play as a forward during a competitive match.

He might not score, create or assist in any goals not just because he was trained as a defender but also his natural talents are not equivalent to a forward’s.Asking for help or even forming a team with others who are experts at different skills and arranging tasks and targets which match the difficulties of their expertise might seem a better idea.

3. Lack of Actions and Motivation

Most of us presume that people who have set goals but do not make any attempts in achieving it as lazy. What we do not know is the fact that being lazy is human nature that most of us can overturn once we have found the meanings in our goals. Such meaning is being given higher value over the loss of comfort as motivated people strive to achieve their goals with these meanings.

Medical professionals can take pride in restoring the health and in the gratitude of the patients while teachers can be satisfied in the improvements and achievements of their students in life. But if a marketing executive whose opinions and work are often overlooked by his/her manager, then we can be sure that s/he will lack motivation and work performance will also deteriorate. Lacking actions and motivation can also be the effects of the fear of failure and rejection.

4. Fear of Failure

As you have read stories of what successful people achieved in their businesses, you probably have also heard how many have failed and went back to their office jobs. What influences your decision to start the business which you’ve spent months of research on is basically the risk of losing money over the long term.

On top of that, there is also the psychological factor which is the fear of being judged when facing our own failures. The fear that people including our own families will think negatively of our failures has often deterred most of us from using advanced goal setting techniques to start our plans. Such mentality can hinder us from any actions towards our goals.

Some consider the risk of losing too much in the future as not even worth the effort to set a goal. Surely, there are also others who are more than capable to achieve their goals but somehow lack the courage or confidence to set goals.

5. Fear of Rejection

The fear of being rejected for having goals which are not accepted by the society is a very common psychological obstacle. While most of us enjoy our work or are proud of our jobs, some families cannot even accept the very different ambitions of their children. Such children are an example of many whose goal setting and ideas are hampered by constant fear of rejection.

6. Accountability

While this is different from lacking motivation, being held accountable or responsible for your goals will not be a burden to you. In fact, trying to accomplish your goals creates a sense of responsibility especially if you share the goals with other people.

Having responsibilities on your goals means you will not give up easily and will try your best to achieve these goals. Nevertheless, we should not see such responsibilities as burdens as we remind ourselves the passion and meaning we derived from our goals in the earlier stages.

7. Lack of Review of Work and Analysis of Results

The rate of improvement in performance can be affected by the lack of review, whether we succeed or fail in our work. While many can argue that monitoring progress can surely determine excellence, the habit of reviewing the details of our actions is a very beneficial work ethic that we should embody.

In teaching the subject of Mathematics to weaker students, teachers would often help students discover why their answers are often incorrect by teaching them to review the steps taken to solve the mathematical problem. Once the teacher identifies and explains the mistake in the steps involved, the student will remember not to make the same mistake through thorough practice for the same type of Maths question.

Analysis

We can typically compare our work with reviewing steps taken to solve a Maths question. Often, we may get the assistance of others to review our work or problems as we may not share the same perspective. The opinions of an experienced expert or a more knowledgeable colleague will be useful for your learning of your work. More often than not, we tend to overlook improvement especially when the results indicate no room for further improvement. It may take some of our time to review our work but it definitely can be an excellent learning curve for our future.

8. Surrounded by Negative Vibes

We can never downplay the influence of the people around us, whether they are family, friends or even our neighbours. In common perception, the closer these people are to us, the more weight their opinions carry on our life decisions. In certain circumstances, some of them might discourage us from pursuing our goals. The common reason is the risk and the costs of pursuing our goals are not worth our resources and time as they are not as rewarding.

While they have very valid reasons to dissuade us, the choice will still be ours to make. To a certain extent, some of our naysayers may even affect our emotions to justify their opinions and strengthen their beliefs in facts. Whereas some have very kind intentions, what they do have to respect is our rights to have the final say in every decision of our lives.

On a more positive note, we should take their opinions, whatever facts and figures which can help us to research on our goals even more. As our research helps us gain even more information on our goals, then we can decide to work on our goals or have different goals.

9. Too Much Focus on the Goal Itself

Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome. –Arthur Ashe
Intense concentration on the goal itself might reduce our happiness over the long run. We place such excessive pressure on ourselves to perform to certain standards that this amount of stress can really affect our living pleasures. The more advisable thinking of our goals is to direct our focus on daily practice instead of wishing to achieve long term goals in the least amount of time.

In this condition, we can also question ourselves whether our goal-based mentality is putting so much stress that we ignore life after these goals. If we wish to progress beyond accomplishing these goals, then we must release the need to obtain results immediately as some goals will inevitably require time.

10. Downplaying Your Achievements

One of the ultimate sources of motivation is the reward itself. Because of this, we must not downplay our achievements or be too humble that we chose not to give credit to ourselves. This mentality not only depletes us of the necessary fuel to chase after our dreams but also our self-confidence in the long term.While there are many ways to celebrate an achievement, the scale of such celebrations should not risk our developments of other goals as though we have lived to accomplish that one particular goal in life.



source http://www.forcesalign.com/reasons-of-failures/

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

How to Set Goals

The Bigger Picture

Now, try to imagine the success you wish to achieve in your life in the distant future e.g. the next 10 years. You could either describe this picture by writing, talking about it or even watching videos of people whose success you wish to emulate.

The next step is to further refine the details of this success by including the details into the picture or description you have just created. The more specific, the better. These might be the ‘stepping stones’ or the smaller goals to determine how you can reach the ‘bigger picture’ type of success.

Now that you have a rough idea of the success you wish to achieve in the future, it is time to set goals by writing them down or recording them in other ways.

Set Goals that Motivate You Part 1

Goals with motivational elements, whether intrinsic or extrinsic, are the best reasons we can give ourselves to thrive in life. Passion, commitment, sense of urgency, enthusiasm, creativity and many other positive traits are products of goals which motivate us. Nevertheless, some of us have had the problems of having too many goals which we were passionate about. When we reach the end of working towards too many goals, we would have drained all our energy out but we achieve very minimal of these goals.

Therefore, before we set out to our tireless work towards our exhilarating cause, we must decide the winner(s) of this ‘goal competition’.

The Goal Competition

So how do we score in this competition? Firstly, we must understand that some goals may prevent us from reaching the others regardless of how obsessive we are. Some goals may take us longer time to achieve the ‘bigger picture’ even if they are the easiest to achieve compared to others. Meanwhile some goals must be achieved first before we proceed to the next goals (discussed in chapter 2, pg. ) Do we prioritise the most motivating goal or start with the easiest ones? How about those which are more rewarding but takes a longer time to achieve?

Setting Goals

While the answers to such questions are subject to every individual’s preferences and strategies, they are the questions we have to answer during the stage of goal setting.

In short, the goals are basically competing with one another to be our priorities. We score the goal of this competition by deciding the winner(s) of this competition and then we could understand which goal we should first concentrate on. This will save us from exhaustion, vain efforts, lack of focus, energy, emotions and most importantly, our motivations to continue our work on the future goals.

While we can decide to adjust the level of priorities on each goal, at least, we can anticipate the outcomes of our actions better from the beginning.

Set Goals that Motivate You Part 2

What makes these ‘winner’ goals unique from other goals? We find the deepest meanings in these goals which we are willing to devote our time and resources to. They are not only the ‘winners’ of the goal competition but they are also our ‘motivators’.

In our quest to accomplish these goals, we will be tempted to set new goals and try to accomplish them. However, goals which truly motivate us will withstand the competition from other new goals and we will be dedicated to finish these goals before the new ones.

In other circumstances, our efforts on long term goals will be further justified with rewards for our motivation. This further fuels our motivation for the next goals.

To reinforce the motivation which we first found in the goals we have decided to work on, we should write down why it’s meaningful, important and valuable to us. Then, we can ask ourselves, “How do I convince other people that these goals are worth my effort, time and resources?”

The answer to this question will form the deep meanings and become the motivation for us to carry on despite our doubts and our diminishing confidence in our struggles to achieve the goals. It is the best reminder of our promise to commit ourselves to the cause.

Set Goals which are S.M.A.R.T.

Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time bound goals are goals which we refine based on the ‘winner’ goals from the goal competition before finalising our goals. In such way, our meaningful and motivating goals will not be only temporary passion without concrete planning then.

Specific goals

Goals which are not clearly defined will not lead us to our desired destinations in life. If the goals are our destinations but we cannot specify them, we will probably lose our directions during our work even if we are presented with multiple methods to achieve our goals. As mentioned in this chapter and also the previous one, we will waste a lot of resources if we do not have conviction in the specificity of our goals. Remember, goals show us the way so we must spell out every single detail to get us to where we want.

Measurable Goals

Goals which are immeasurable are those which are vaguely defined and hence, we will not be able to track our progress. Quantifying both our progress and goals and then comparing both can indicate our performance and success rate. Such indication could also be used as analysis for further improvements in our performance.

Body weight management programs, budgeting, running distance and time, building construction and many other goals have are made up of absolute quantifications. Using measurements of results, we can tell how much we have improved or progressed and we won’t even miss the celebration without knowing we have achieved certain goals!

Attainable Goals

Setting goals which are realistically possible to achieve means building more success on top of another. In contrast, working on goals which are impossible or too challenging to achieve will only break our perseverance and determination in the long term. We will surely lose motivation if we cannot achieve any rewards we wish for despite our best efforts.

In spite of such idea, we should always resist the appeal of setting goals that are too easy to accomplish. This is because constantly setting easy goals will generate a comfort zone for us. While we indulge in completing these easy goals, we become insensitive to our needs to improve. In the end, we are so afraid of failures and non-achievement that we will not risk setting a more challenging goal.

The particular way of setting such goals is to divide the goal into measurable upper and lower bounds. For instance, if you have reached the lower boundary of your goal, e.g. the running distance of 5 kilometres in 30 minutes, instead of running the same distance in the same amount of time, you could try to run further in 30 minutes or run the same distance in shorter time. These goals can be adjusted from time to time but in certain situations like running, we can definitely attempt at a longer distance knowing we have achieved during the run itself.

In other words, we set attainable goals to be aware of the level of difficulties and the rewards for our efforts. We have to adjust the levels of difficulties to our preferences so as not to fall into our comfort zone or feel de-motivated in the future.

Relevant Goals

Concentrating on relevant goals does not only save us from unnecessary venture into other distractions. It also allows us to practise our best skills, expand our knowledge in particular subject and gain invaluable experience for future growth.

It sometimes can be difficult for us to separate the goals which we are very eager to accomplish from the ones which we feel are relevant and beneficial to our future. Therefore, it is a primary yet very essential step to ensure our goals are constantly relevant.

Time- bound goals

Deadlines, time limits or even day by day progress are some of the measures we can set for ourselves to ensure progress. Besides, setting goals with a certain time frame will help us anticipate delays and prevent any unnecessary delays.

Without such sense of timing, there will be less or no urgency for us to complete even the easiest tasks. As such, our commitment will dwindle and we might even start to get comfortable with procrastinating work.

Thus, we must always remind ourselves of the expected development in the timeline we have set for our dreams to come true.

Writing Your Goals and Keeping Up

Now that we have understood all the S.M.A.R.T goal setting concepts, we must not forget that we have to write our goals down and set reminders. To get these reminders to be more effective, we can set them on our phones or even place sticky notes in places like our work desk, on the refrigerator with the magnets or even on our TV.



source http://www.forcesalign.com/how-to-set-goals/